So with all this DLC "controversy" surrounding ME3 I thought I would do a sort of review on the major story DLC from the first two games because I am insane and actually bought all of them. Don't mention what it the ME3 DLC actually is. All I know is that it has to do with an additional squad member and mission that people who ordered the N7 edition get but the rest of the crowd have to pay 10 bucks for. I know NOTHING else because I am conditioned to avoid spoilers because of Doctor Who. Also because River Pony is watching me from my bookcase... I will, myself, avoid all spoilers pertaining to the content of these DLC. I'm just giving my opinions on them.
Bring Down the Sky
Goodness it's been a while since I did this one. If I can remember correctly, the basic plot is a bunch of Batarians hijacked an asteroid and are planning on dropping it on a major colony. Shepard and the rest of the crew must race against time and stop the colony drop and save the crew of scientists and engineers stationed on the falling colony.
One of the things I liked about Bring down the Sky was the introduction of the Batarians. My friend LZ put it best. "Bioware basically created an alien race to be universally hated." The Batarians for the most part are bastards. My Shepard personally has a vendetta against them, because I chose the Colonist background. So I kept hearing about the Batarians all throughout ME1 and not knowing what the heck they even looked like. I really liked Bring Down the Sky. It wasn't fangirl spaz amazing, but it was still a solid mission from beginning to end. The fact it was free was a nice treat.
Price: Free for PC and owners of the Greatest Hits Xbox edition (Otherwise $1)
My score: 2.5 out of 4 stars
So according to the novels the Batarians blink their sets of eyes at different times to make people feel uneasy. I believe it.
Pinnacle Station
Pinnacle Station is really nothing more than a battle simulator. I suppose, it could best be described as the makers trying to shoehorn in typical multiplayer game objectives (defeat this many enemies, defend this point, get to this point in this amount of time, etc.) in Mass Effect. The gameplay is repetitive, and it's fairly easy to get number one in the objectives. I took Ash and Liara with me on one of the survival modes and we lasted ten minutes. The previous highest score was a little less than two minutes. O_o At least they are a fun distraction.
The "story" revolves around Admiral Ahern, a veteran of the First Contact War. He's the stereotypical gruff soldier archetype. He's seen and done everything. Now he's trying to make sure the next generation doesn't have to do what he's done. I would say he's just another male boring military type that Bioware tends to make, I'm looking at you Kaidan and Jacob, but my god is he ANNOYING. Every time I did a simulation he's like "Medi-gel isn't cheap, Shepard." Umm... I haven't used any medi-gel yet. "Oh that had to hurt." Umm... I'm freaking level 50, one gunshot isn't even going to go through my shields. I could go on, but seriously, he's just the most obnoxious character in the whole game. At least he gave me a fancy new apartment. "Hey crew, party at my place! Wrex bring the beer! Umm, what do you mean I'm the only one that can access the new apartment?" To quote Ahern. Damn.
Price of DLC: $5
My score: 1.5 out of 4 stars
Most annoying person in the galaxy.
Zaeed: The Price of Revenge
Zaeed is an additional member of the super large ME2 crew (seriously they are called the Dirty Dozen for a reason) that comes free with a new copy of the game. Zaeed himself is another one of those "done it all types." His response when you ask him about getting shot in the face. “Rage is a hell of an anesthetic.” It was like Bioware was thinking "We need a stereotypical awesome badass character." The basic plot is Zaeed is going after a man named Vido. A man that left him for dead and now Zaeed is looking to do the same. As for the mission itself it plays out like the other Loyalty missions you have in the game. Nothing really remarkable to say. It's free and adds a new mission.
Price of DLC: Free (Unless you bought a used copy, in that case $10)
My Score: 2 out of 4 stars
Walking Firefly reference. Check. Shot in the Face. Check. Totally not looking at that explosion. Check.
Kasumi: Stolen Memory
OKAY I'll get it off my chest... I totally bought this just because you get a dress. Don't judge me! In reality I did like Kasumi's mission. It switches up the typical go here, shoot these people, do this end objective thing, that a lot of the missions in Mass Effect 2 do. Not that that's a BAD thing, unlike ME1 the combat is really solid in this game, it's just nice to have other things to do. In this case you are trying to locate an object that belonged to Kasumi's old partner. The problem? It's located a party where some of the galaxy's most notorious criminals will be attending. It's a bit James Bond in SPACE and it's pretty awesome for it.
Price: $7
My Score: 2.5 out of 4 stars
Breaking into a vault, in the FUTURE.
Overlord
I am pretty damn genre savvy. I suppose that comes with being a nerd. I think it goes double for me because I love to study pop culture and whatnot. I must say, Overlord took me for a surprise. The first two thirds are kind of standard affair. You run around disabling stuff, fight some robots, fly around in the Hammerhead. However, the final act of the DLC is where it really shines and pulls at your heartstrings. I think the biggest advantage this DLC has going for it is that it isn't really a part of the main story. It's a simple tale that really shows what Mass Effect is great at, telling a meaningful, emotional story.
Price of DLC: $7
My score: 3 out of 4 stars
I have to say even though the Hammerhead handles better than the Mako, I miss the dumb tank. It was just so terrible, it was almost awesome.
Lair of the Shadow Broker
Okay this is the big one. In terms of scale and price, but mostly emotionally. Lair of the Shadow Broker, in my opinion, one of the best examples of DLC ever. In fact I'm mad that people will miss out on it because they think "DLC is evil." Suck it up fans and pay the 15 bucks. (Or at least watch someone play through it.)
Lair of the Shadow Broker reunites you with former teammate Liara (who has kept herself busy since ME1 by being an information Broker on Illium.) She's got a personal vendetta against the Shadow Broker and she is determined to get her revenge. First of all I think out of all the characters, Liara was the one who changed the most due to the events of the games. She went from an AWKWARD archeologist to a badass. (My god was she awkward.) Of course this DLC holds more of an impact if you romanced Liara in the first game like I did. (I thought Kaidan was boring okay! And I wanted the Paramour achievement...)
However, I think even if you didn't romance her, there is still a lot to love about this DLC. Everything from the car chase, the fight with the Broker's assassin, lampshade hanging of some of the mechanics of the first game, to the confrontation of the Shadow Broker, is perfectly executed. I think the biggest strength of Lair of the Shadow Broker is the fact it is centered around Liara. You have more of an emotional connection to her then the other DLC mission characters. Even if you didn't like her, she was a member of your squad in the first game, you guys when through stuff. (So game umm... I didn't get the Paramour achievement after hooking up with Liara again. Are you TRYING to make me a cheater?)
Price of DLC: $15
My score: 4 out of 4 stars
Somehow, girlfriend, you turned into a badass.
Arrival
*Sigh* Okay I'll be truthful. I freaking hate Arrival. Unlike Zaeed or Kasumi's missions, where even if you didn't like the mission itself you still got helpful squad members, there's really nothing of merit about Arrival. The basic plot is that Admiral Hackett sends you a message about saving a woman named Dr. Amanda Kenson who has information about blah blah blah blah. Oh and the best part is that you have to go it alone. I think this was mainly because Arrival was made after production on the second game ended. Bioware, in my opinion, was too cheap and lazy to get the voice actors of the crew back to record a couple of lines here and there. The main "purpose" of Arrival is to shoehorn in a plot point that will become relevant to the third game. Honestly, I think they could have been like at the beginning of ME3 "Oh by the way this happened." NOBODY would have care that they didn't get to actually do it. In the end no matter what you do, it still happens anyways so it was POINTLESS. ARGH. It was just like aksdjfkljsadfklsadjf
Price of DLC: $7
My score: 0 out of 4 stars
Amanda Kenson, member of the Uncanny Valley Club since 2011.
So those are my thoughts on the various DLC missions in the first two Mass Effect games. Some are just kind of there. (Zaeed, I'm being to wonder if you weren't free, would I have bothered.) Some are a true testament to what you can do with DLC. (Here's to lots of blue children in the future, Liara.) Some make you want to drive over to Canada and punch Bioware in the face. (Seriously was there any need to make Ahern a big annoying douche? And why does Arrival even exist?) So my final thoughts on the big day one ten dollar Mass Effect 3 DLC? It could go any way really. Who knows how it will turn out? All I have to say is... HAHAHAHAHA! It comes with the Collector's Edition! I don't have to pay extra! I didn't even know about the extra squad member and mission when I pre-ordered it. I just got it for the all the swag. This was just an extra bonus.
Now enjoy this picture of PinkDollaz Shepard whilst I continue to gloat in head.
Hi there, Joker! I'm wearing a cocktail dress!
